Current weight: –
I reserve the right not to weigh myself this week because it’s that time of the month. I am a notorious water weight gainer during that time, and if I step on a scale and see a gain, I’m going to go name a pan of brownies “Feelings” and eat them.
I exercise an inordinate amount of care when it comes to feeding my daughter. I’m not the paranoid type who refuses to feed her anything that doesn’t come certified organic and with a written history of where it came from, but I am the thoughtful, concerned type. When she’s hungry, even when she just wants a snack, I make it my mission to give her the most nutritious variety of foods possible. I always make sure she has fruits and vegetables on her plate. I avoid processed foods as much as possible, and even if Zach and I are eating fast food, I usually try to find something healthy from home for her to eat. That doesn’t mean she’s never had a chicken nugget or a French fry, but I practice a standard of quality within my daughter’s diet that I don’t practice often enough within my own. I see her as growing and developing, in need of healthful foods, and pure enough that I don’t want to fill her with junk.
I don’t know if I’ve ever thought of myself that way. When I was little, I ate what tasted good. If we had soda in the fridge, I drank it. If we went out to eat, I figured why eat a salad when I can order cheese-smothered enchiladas with sour cream sauce, beans, rice, and as many delicious, crispy chips as my stomach can hold? I didn’t have a grasp on what was healthy for me and what wasn’t. It took me years, lots of experimenting, and many, many books to understand which foods are best for me and why. And, unfortunately, during those years of trial and error, I learned to eat for taste, for indulgence, for convenience.
It’s strange to me when I compare Sonia’s diet to my own. I go the extra mile for her. I will chop and steam fresh vegetables as a side dish for her lunch. I will stand there for 10 minutes cutting grapes and blueberries in half for her snacks. I will spend weekends prepping fresh foods for her to eat during the week. I don’t do things like that for myself. Somehow I always see myself as not worth the effort; I’ll always “do it tomorrow.” Except tomorrow never comes. I struggled a lot to get back on track last week after my weekend of pigging out because I’m still not completely in the “lifestyle change” mindset. I’m still looking at food the wrong way.
My goal for this week is to treat myself as well as I treat my daughter; to look at meals not as a chore or an opportunity to pig out, but as an opportunity to refuel and energize my body, and to try to pack as much nutrition as possible into each eating choice I make.
This would all be so much easier if I was a baby and had someone else doing the work for me.